First, I just want to state that if you are having suicidal thoughts and need someone to talk to privately please contact your local Suicide Hotline. The link provided is a resource to find your local numbers. http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines
The world health organization statistics state that every year at least 1 million people pass away from committing suicide, that means there is a death every 40 seconds, and if that doesn’t scare you then I am not sure what will. Compared to even 15 years ago the awareness around suicide (mental health/illness) has become more openly spoken about and more resources have been made readily available for those we need to seek help. I think the saddest thing is that those that don’t use their voice for help are scared to because of the possible judgement they think they will receive or what may come with speaking out, but what everyone needs to realize is that if you don’t speak up if you are struggling, then no one can be there to try and help you, and it can sadly lead to taking your own life. Through out my 29 years of life I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have attempted to take my own life, I started self harming at about 13-14 years old and had multiple attempts from that age all the way up till I was about 27 years old and all I can say is that I wouldn’t be here today, I wouldn’t be able to be the voice I want to be, and what I learned is that seeking help, therapy, and learning to cope with healthier skills is life changing, but in order to change you need to be ready to change because even if someone forces you, it won’t matter until you are ready, but you need to realize that your life matters and people love you, and will be there for you no matter what.
I speak highly of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and recommend it to everyone, not just for people who may have some behavioral issues, I say this because CBT changed my entire life, it gave me my life back, it gave me the tools to have control over how my mind reacts to many things in life, such as anxiety, stress, depression, and so forth. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviors. When you start to be accepting to what you are feeling & going through emotionally that is when you should start seeking help through the many resources that are provided out in the world, even on the internet.
Sadly at the age of 19, in 2007, I had found my Uncle dead from committing suicide and instead of seeking professional help to cope with that trauma I decided to isolate it and abuse drugs & alcohol to cope, but that wasn’t coping, that was just self harming myself because of the guilt that came with the trauma of being the one to find him, when ever you deal with anything that is a traumatic situation for yourself you need to realize that you might think you are okay by drowning it out but down the road, you may not be okay and it’s better to seek the help at the time instead of allowing that trauma to build up with other traumas and then one day explode.
There have been many traumatic situations that I have sadly had to endure, and I use to think that it damaged me, that no one would love me because of it and because of that I wasn’t truly ready to fight for my own life. The fact is that people will love you no matter what and the strength that shines when you put YOU first and take care of yourself mentally, physically will show to those close to you and that is admirable in every way. I use to be the type of person that would just try to act tough, like what happened to me in many different trauma situations didn’t faze me, but that wasn’t true, I was just hiding it deep down, and it probably is the main reason I have tried to take my own life, the last time I tried to take my own life was after leaving my ex, I felt such guilt, shame, and blamed myself for staying with someone who was abusive for so many years, but that’s not true at all, and in 2015 when I decided to get help for my eating disorders, and then in 2016/2017 get therapy & CBT help that’s when my life started to change for the better and my head stopped being filled with all the lies myself and others that were abusive towards me had convinced me to believe.
Ending your life isn’t going to fix your life, it is going to hurt many of those around you that cherish and love you, what is going to help you is realizing that seeking professional help is normal, it is okay, and its nothing to be ashamed of to speak up on. Nothing in life lasts forever, and I mean that in the context of the bad day, week, or month you are having, but you are the one in control of how to cope with it, and you are the one in control of what happens right now at this second in your life and I hope you realize that your life is worthy of saving no matter how damaged or “screwed up” you may think you or your life is.
You are not alone, and please don’t think you are, if you speak up you will realize how many people are there for you, or have been through the same thing.
Copyright © 2017 Kendra F.