Hello Beautiful people,
Whoa, it has been quite some time since I have updated my blog, to be exact it has been since August 15th when I had finished my programs with the Health Science Center for my battle with Bulimia. I feel like I sometimes disappear when I get that writers block but I always feel so bad when I don’t keep up with my blog.
Since my release from the hospital programs at the Health Science center I have returned back to work (as of September 3rd,2015) which has been good but also has been a bit of struggle due to still needing to have my therapist appointments, doctor appointments and not being able to do certain work projects at work due to them being triggering, generally my work place has been quite accommodating to what I need but of course there is always going to be that work stress either way, especially with only making the minimum wage and currently looking for another second job to add in another 20 hours each week.
Besides returning back to work I had generally a pretty good 3 weeks off to myself before I did have to return back to work. I had got assaulted just before my last day of programs which did throw me into some depression and flashbacks of past assaults but I was lucky enough to be able to leave the city shortly after with a friend to her cabin in Kenora which really helped me get my head back on correctly, along with that after I went to Kenora I went straight out of town again to Morden where I also spent a good few days.
I am sure a lot of people are wondering “How are you actually doing with your recovery?”, Well it hasn’t been easy of course, and being without my regular groups that I did for 3 months & living alone things can become extremely difficult but as my therapist said, I am doing so much better than i was back in May and even though I may have some slips along the way the fact is that I am clearly not giving up this fight against my eating disorder. I am very passionate about my recovery even if I am not always 100% the best in it, I still pick myself up and do the next healthy thing, I do not allow myself to beat myself up for the behaviors that may have occurred, I just move on and do what I know is the next healthy step. I have not lost any weight as far as I am aware of and I am still sticking to my mechanical eating that I know is to be extremely important to a full recovery.
I have met a lot of beautiful peoplel through social media during this journey to recovery and I am so incredibly grateful for some of the friends I have made all over the world and because we have these options to express ourselves through these social media sites & apps. A lot of the wonderful women I have met are also going through the same journey I am, and I am not sure where I would be without them, I also can honestly say the best decision I ever made for myself was becoming completely honest with everyone around me, including the world because it gives me just another push to not go back into hiding and allowing my eating disorder to take over again. There is one special person that I want to give a shout out too who has been there 100% for me and she is over 2,000 miles away but she has become such an inspiration and I am so grateful to have met such a beautiful woman, I love you Amber!! 🙂
The fact is this journey to a full recovery is not even close to done, and there are so many other things I am still learning to deal with such as my past abusive relationship I allowed myself to continue staying around because I was sick and vulnerable, and I realize that now, I am also still learning everyday how to deal with my Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety & ADHD. I may get sad, maybe even depressed sometimes but it will never stop me from pushing myself to where I want to be, and life has so much more to offer me than where I am now, and one day I will find everything I’ve been dreaming of for years.
I want to give a special thanks to everyone that has believed in me since I came out publicly about my struggle with my eating disorders, my family, my friends, the strangers I have met, you are all the reason I push myself to live my life because you continue to remind me I am worthy of everything beautiful.