The greatest feeling I’ve felt in years is the feeling of being healthy, in control, and happy. I am now in week 7 of my recovery and its been a hard but a beautiful journey even over these few weeks, the thing I feel most grateful for is finally being able to know who I really am as a person and not consumed of my eating disorder, my eating disorders personality, the one that took over me years ago and changed me for the worse, the angry defensive low self esteemed girl who’s personality really wasn’t who I was.
The fact being is over time I will need to show those around me who are close to me that who I have been for 13 years in personality isn’t completely who I really am, I am such a better person without ED and finally can realize this, I can realize how much happier & calm I am, compared to being irritable and angry, snapping at people because I was starving myself and not nourishing my body with my medicine (food).
Over the past 2 weeks I have really been able to enjoy the things I truly love, such as getting back into writing poetry, reading, writing in general, yoga, bike riding, enjoying my friends & family, loving food again and smiling like I mean it, plus so much more. The truth is when you are so sick with your eating disorder it consumes your entire life, it takes every second of your day and controls every thought you have that you really aren’t living your life at all, instead you are allowing it to take over your life and control you.
I have 5 weeks left in the program and I am well aware that I will be fighting for my life after the group programs end at HSC, and I am okay with that, I am ready for the fight of my life.